Skip to main content

Workplace Bullying (8) - Damage to Self Image

When you are bullied to the point where you stop believing in yourself, the bully has probably achieved his/her goal.   It is true, though, that for most bullies, the effect on the victim is a side issue, it is all about personal power.

I have recently finished a novel called The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer.   One of the central themes is that we carry the damage from our youth into old age.  Once our self image is unstable, the process to rebuild confidence in ourselves and our abilities, is intense.

The reality of low self esteem impacts every area of life.      When it hits you in your skills and abilities, day to day effectiveness is a challenge, let alone applying for promotions.

There is no "one size fits all" answer, and it really does require courage and commitment.   If it is financially viable, therapy is a key part of rebuilding self image.   If it isn't, there are steps that somebody who is being victimised can take.   However, it is a reality that people in management often do not have the skill set to deal with entrenched bullying, and victims might be seen as wasting management's time.

One of the most effective methods is to document the bullying behaviour.   I believe the following method can help put the matter into perspective, as well as indicate a plan of action:

  • Define a time frame for documenting the bullying
  • Commence documenting the behaviour, in writing, with dates, times, and facts
  • If appropriate, enlist a colleague to do so as well
  • At the end of the period, sit down and read carefully through the documentation
  • Ask a friend, mentor or trusted person in your private life to read through it, and give an honest assessment
  • Should you decide that the behaviour is extreme enough that it is causing a serious drop in your confidence and ability to function in the workplace, set up a meeting with the relevant management to discuss your concerns
During my years in management, I have seen that documenting in this way has very positive results.   In some cases the victim realises that the behaviour is not specific to him/her.   It is a confidence issue, and the person who feels victimised needs to work on building up the confidence to react more assertively.   In other cases, the documentation has underpinned that the bully's behaviour is unacceptable and needs to be addressed directly, either by management or the victim.   Management are able to evaluate the problem from the documentation, and take constructive steps.

Do ask for help quickly if you are feeling dis-empowered and ineffective at work.    A company culture that builds a positive, motivated and empowered workforce has to be in everybody's best interests.  


Links and References

Accsys Website



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Feeding the Right Wolf

Feeding the Right Wolf This Cherokee story resonated with me (see below).     Like many business people, I get caught up in managing details, instead of focusing on strategy and growth.   Measuring myself against the Good Wolf concept has become a way of thinking for me. Feeding the good wolf - focusing on the right stuff! In a previous article on this topic, I commented that the message is simple, the wolf you feed is the one that grows. The good wolf attributes in a business are where we ideally should spend our time, that good old 80 – 20 rule focusing on our   engaged employees, improving client experience and quality of product,   to name a few. Creating a Good Wolf Environment While we have many different tools – appraisals, customer and employee surveys – to try and understand the temperature and levels of entropy in our businesses – the truth is that it is really difficult to explain to people that they are not seen as feeding the good wolf.    Often the people

Sharing your last salary – re-enforcing the gender pay gap…

Sharing your last salary – re-enforcing the gender pay gap… The interview process is never easy.   Whether you are actively searching for a new position or being head hunted, selling yourself effectively can go against ingrained social habits. As a potential employer, there is significant risk in hiring the wrong people, too. So both sides have a lot to lose if the interview process is ineffective. While we frequently hear that people do not leave jobs because of money, very few candidates are looking to drop their salaries … Interviewers have a number of tools at their disposal enabling them to align the right candidate with the role on offer: ·        Psychometric testing ·        References ·        The face to face interview process ·        The CV / Resumé ·        Social media profiles However, the previous salary is a time tested way for the interviewer to measure against the skills and experience claimed in the CV. Why is there a risk that this re-en

It's all about the service... Gaining & Retaining Clients

Retaining and gaining customers has become increasingly challenging.  As customers we have abundant choice and it is so easy to comparative shop. We talk about great service We talk about the extra mile We talk about the attitude We talk about customer perception We talk about customer expectation We talk about meeting customer needs We talk about the tangible vs intangible We talk about the client experience So what makes a customer feel that they have received outstanding service?   What makes it a soft skill, rather than a science, is that we are all so different and people in services and sales need to read each situation and act accordingly. In a restaurant, if my chair is constantly bumped by the waitrons going past, no matter how great the food, my perception is negative.  My family don’t even notice the bumps.. A few years ago, I was lucky enough to visit Greece and Turkey. In Istanbul, we were wandering around one of the many fantastic street marke