Teryl @ Work

Irreconcilable differences are a common reason for divorce, and while there might be jokes around squeezing the toothpaste tube from the top or the bottom, it is a fact that the smallest things become huge issues in an incompatible relationship.  (I have to admit that my husband of 32 years and I solved this one by using different brands). At work, it is as difficult as at home.  Incompatibility is a rather vague description, because it is not easy to pin down exactly why two people simply do not get the best out of each other.   In a boss /employee scenario, it may have a serious impact on productivity, as well as making one or both extremely unhappy.  A junior person may even feel that he is being bullied. There is also the possibility that they actually get on well together but their work styles are so different that their deliverables are not being achieved, anyway. Years ago, I had a Services Manager who was a brilliant trainer of new software field consul...

When you are bullied to the point where you stop believing in yourself, the bully has probably achieved his/her goal.   It is true, though, that for most bullies, the effect on the victim is a side issue, it is all about personal power. I have recently finished a novel called The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer.   One of the central themes is that we carry the damage from our youth into old age.  Once our self image is unstable, the process to rebuild confidence in ourselves and our abilities, is intense. The reality of low self esteem impacts every area of life.      When it hits you in your skills and abilities, day to day effectiveness is a challenge, let alone applying for promotions. There is no "one size fits all" answer, and it really does require courage and commitment.   If it is financially viable, therapy is a key part of rebuilding self image.   If it isn't, there are steps that somebody who is being victimised can take.   Howe...

Professional brand and personal brand are difficult to separate.   Social networking has been a significant contributor to that.   Together, they create the image that people have of you, and both need to be carefully nurtured. A strong professional brand brings you opportunities, promotions and a positive work environment.  Depending on what you do, the type of words people use about you, should be aligned with your career strategy.   So if you are an HR Practioner, words like trustworthy, keeps confidences, calm, great listener are good to hear. When a workplace bully attacks your professional brand, you need to take quick and positive action.   Sadly, most people do not query the validity of the source.  Even if they don't repeat the negative message, it raises question marks and bias when interacting with you.   In addition, confirmation bias kicks in, and all your behaviours might be checked against a biased, inaccurate view.   Very s...

People who are bullied or lonely at work are not really capable of changing the situation themselves.   If they do get included their reaction might reinforce negative opinions, because they might react by withdrawing or even by being offended. It really is a vicious circle, although sometimes consistent kindness and positive attention can make a difference. Knowing that somebody is being bullied, and not being prepared to face the bully is possibly understandable, especially if the bully is the boss, but distancing yourself from the victim is not a solution, either. When researching workplace bullying, I searched for articles on how colleagues can help people who are being bullied.   While most of what I found was aimed at children (and if we could stop it at school level, what a difference that would make), what was easily available focused on "don't participate in the bullying" or reporting the behaviour.   Both very valid, but could be considered high risk by both...

There is a difference between your personal and professional brand, although they are overlapping more and more, thanks to social networking. Its one thing when you damage your own brand, but there is a form of workplace bullying that can impact on you personally, and it is critical to address it quickly, should it happen to you. When your personal integrity is brought into question, the damage can be far reaching.   As a woman, it is extremely important to set personal standards and guidelines for yourself in the workplace, and ensure that the lines are not crossed eg inappropriate teasing and comments about your looks, sexuality, and personal life are not office material, so try to keep that door closed, if possible.   There is an enormous difference between a lovely compliment, and a comment about your appearance that makes you feel deeply uncomfortable.  Sometimes, it is not the words, but the way they are said, and where they are looking when they speak, that cau...

What is overwork?   When is it bullying?    When does the job requirement tip from high expectations to unreasonable requirements? Starting with overwork itself.    Is a 40 hour work week adequate in companies that are expanding or simply trying to keep their heads above water?   Should delivering great service mean that people have to work long hours? One definition of overwork is "to force to work too long or too hard".   So with that definition in mind, when does hard work become too hard?  Obviously, the word force has a lot to do with it.  Many people in business are so passionate about their work that it is both their career and their hobby, and they consider every moment spent on the job a pleasure.   However, once overtime is not voluntary and impacts on the desire to have a happy personal life, it will be seen as overwork.   There are also professions where, by their very nature, long hours are an expectation.  ...

The biblical story of the Tower of Babel has always fascinated me.   Not least because I have never been good at languages, having struggled with both Afrikaans and Latin at school, even though I come from a multilingual family.     Back to Babel, though, and the story that the people of Shinar built a tower to reach heaven, and the Lord came to earth, and saw that people with one language could be unstoppable in their achievements, both good and bad.   And so He "confounded" their language and "scattered" the people. In South Africa, we have 11 official languages.   At  +Accsys (Pty) Ltd  I have done a rough count and have come to the view that we have around 20 languages either spoken or understood in the company. When I put out the blog on exclusion being a variation of bullying, I started to receive feedback about people feeling excluded because of language.   While a number shared that they didn't feel it was malicious, just that people a...

Workplace bullying is widespread, that is very clear from the research I have done over the past year.  I have also received mails and responses to my first article, which indicates bullying in the workplace is ongoing.   While there are many, many definitions, case studies and examples, Tim Field's (footnote) is a very clear one. Being bullied is not about one isolated incident, it is about consistent negative behaviour that damages self image to a point where the bullied leaves, and the bully remains, sometimes with greater status. South African business writer, Ian Mann, in his book "Managing with Intent" covers self image and how to manage people more effectively by taking their self image into account.  In a bullying situation, the opposite is often true.   If you have seen the Meryl Streep/Anne Hathaway movie "The Devil wears Prada" or the TV show "Ugly Betty", you will have seen workplace bullying entrenched into the business model.  ...

Bullying remains a very emotive issue.  I have a few friends who openly admit that they were bullies at school, and that they didn't mean any real harm, and were "just teasing".   Comments that people overreact, and that the victims often bring it on themselves are also made.   It is a reality that the bullied person's reaction can lead to further bullying, or their lack of reaction can move the bullies to a new target.   These former self styled bullies have grown up into nice people who are really fun to be with.   Who would have thought? But the people I know who were bullied have not grown up nearly as undamaged.  In fact, it is my unscientific opinion, that bullies grow up to be happier and more successful than the bullied, because their sense of self is more entitled.  (Other than in the entertainment industry, where almost all of them claim that they were misfits and excluded from everything.....) Moving from the classroom to the boa...