Chair Kickers and Queue Jumpers

I am one of the elite who is chosen to always sit in front of the chair kicker at the movies. It is a great privilege that I don’t take lightly.

I start by subtly turning my head to see if there is really somebody behind me, because it is possible that the row of seats is a little unstable.

If there is, I hope that it’s just a once off settling in bump. Sadly, by the third or fourth kick in the first ten minutes, the movie is no longer my main focus. My husband is often kind enough to swap seats. Now can he just not feel it, or do they stop kicking when they are facing the back of the head of a 6’3” man?

It happens on planes, too, and even in a financial reporting session recently. My personal favourite is the person who is only able to stand up from his plane seat by leaning heavily on the back of mine, tilting me backwards while he raises himself into a standing position. Sitting is an equally challenging process which requires both hands on the back of my seat, a sharp pull backwards and then a quick release.

Just to confirm, the seat does bounce!

I love both the movies and travelling, though I prefer the back row for obvious reasons.

While on the subject of travelling, don’t you love the people who subtly edge into the side of the queue to board, particularly when there is a bus taking you to the plane? Why? Do they simply think that queuing is beneath them? Or do they not notice the rest of us poor slobs following the rules?

Then there are the queue controllers. Oh, they are a powerful lot. If you have ever travelled to the US, and had to go through the customs there, they have the highly effective snake queues in place. And what do the controllers do? They override them, and send you to wait in little queues in front of each customs officer. This means you can be at the front of the snake and still have to wait a long time, depending on which little queue they allocate you to.

Why? Snake queues work – ask anybody who shop at Woolies.

Snake queues reduce that little discussed, but very common malady – queue querulousness. (A close relation of road rage, it mostly manifests itself in muttered comments, and complaints to management).

So to all those chair kickers out there, if you see somebody gently turning their head to check if there is somebody behind them, tuck your feet under your chair. And queue jumpers, do remember that getting there first doesn’t always mean you are ahead of the game, you might just be the crash test dummy….

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email: tschroenn@accsys.co.za

twitter: @TerylSchroenn

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